


Take My Hand

by semperama



Series: Tumblr Ficlets - Pinto [27]
Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: M/M, Misunderstandings, Public Display of Affection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-25
Updated: 2015-11-25
Packaged: 2018-12-05 07:37:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11573415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/semperama/pseuds/semperama
Summary: Zach won't let Chris touch him in public.





	Take My Hand

The first time it happens, Chris barely takes notice. Zach gets out of the car ahead of him, and camera flashes light up the night, and by the time Chris is out on the sidewalk too, Zach has already hurried inside the club. The paparazzi clustered on the sidewalk don’t even realize Zach has a companion until Chris is getting waved through the door himself. Shouts of ‘Chris! Mr. Pine!’ follow him until the throbbing electronic music swallows him up, and then he finds Zach and puts a hand to the small of his back, and Zach smiles at him, and they continue on together toward the bar.

“Were you trying to lose me?” Chris shouts in Zach’s ear while Zach flags the bartender. And when Zach shrugs and doesn’t meet his eyes, he thinks nothing of it.

The next time, they’re grocery shopping. The cameras have found them again, but it happens so frequently that Chris doesn’t pay them any mind. He and Zach split the list in half and split up once they get inside, and he doesn’t find Zach again until ten minutes later, in the juice aisle.

“Oh my God,” Chris laughs when he sees how empty Zach’s basket is. “You’ve been standing here agonizing over whether to get cran-grape or cran-apple, haven’t you?”

Zach wrinkles his nose. “As if. That stuff is all sugar.”

Chris doesn’t understand why this kind of thing fills him with love so intense he thinks his heart is going to burst out of him, but he doesn’t second-guess it. He leans in, going to kiss Zach on the cheek—

—but Zach steps out of the way and bends down to inspect a lower shelf. Organic mango juice or something equally weird. And Chris is left hanging, his heart shrinking back to normal size and stuttering with disappointment. Zach didn’t do it on purpose, probably. Maybe. Chris thinks about asking him later, but as soon as they get home, Zach lets Chris kiss him breathless with the refrigerator standing wide open, and the incident in the store is all but forgotten.

Forgotten, that is, until three days later. This time, they’re at the airport, about to head to Pittsburgh to see Zach’s mom for the weekend. Chris hasn’t seen her since he and Zach got back together, and he’s looking forward to it, even if he isn’t looking forward to the plane ride it takes to get there. It’s a toss-up whether he hates airports or airplanes more, but the bottom line is that the whole ordeal of traveling makes him crabby.

It doesn’t help when, in the security line, he reaches for Zach’s hand and at the first brush of their fingers, Zach twitches away and then covers it up by rifling through his bag. It’s too early for him to get his laptop out, but he does it anyway, and holds it in the hand nearest Chris so Chris is forced to let his hands hang limply at his side.

After that, Chris starts pushing the issue. He tries to kiss Zach on the sidewalk outside a coffee shop, and Zach twists away at the last second and points out a book store he wants to go in. He puts his hand on Zach’s back when they’re trying to find a seat the movie theater, and Zach tenses and walks ahead to pick a row without even asking Chris’s input.

It’s not that Zach is _cold_ exactly. When they’re at home, he is as affectionate as ever. He is free with kind words and compliments and terms of endearment. No matter what angle Chris looks at it from, Zach seems happy and like his feelings for Chris are unchanged. He just won’t let Chris touch him in public. That’s it. That’s the only problem.

But why? Zach has been out for years. He’s seemingly had no qualms about touching his past boyfriends in front of the cameras or in front of other people. As far as Chris can tell, he doesn’t have any fears about people jeering them or about pictures winding up in the tabloids. Chris even goes out of his way one evening at dinner to start a conversation about paparazzi just to see if Zach’s stance on the issue has changed, but he’s as sensible and pragmatic as he ever was—”It’s the price we pay, Chris. You’ve gotta learn to live with it.”

Chris feels like he’s going to lose his mind, so he decides he’s not going to take no for an answer the next time. He plans it meticulously: he takes Zach to his favorite restaurant, orders the best bottle of wine on the menu, waits until Zach’s glass has been empty twice. Then, he reaches across the table…

And Zach pulls his hand back.

“Okay, what the fuck?” Chris hisses. Zach’s eyes widen, like he isn’t sure what the problem is, but then he looks down at Chris’s hand, which has clenched into a fist on top of the tablecloth, and his shoulders slump with resignation.

But he still plays dumb. “What?”

“Don’t do that, Zach, come on. You know what I’m talking about. You won’t let me touch you.”

“You touch me all the time,” Zach says, and looks down at his lap.

Chris makes a frustrated sound and leans closer so he can lower his voice. He’s okay with other people witnessing their affection, but he doesn’t want them witnessing their fights. “You won’t let me touch you _in public_.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Zach won’t look up, and it’s driving Chris nuts. Something dumb and awful is clearly going on in Zach’s head, and Chris has to figure it out and fix it before it’s too late, and he can’t do that if Zach can’t even look at him.

“Hmm, am I sure it’s a good idea to hold hands with my boyfriend? Let me think about that… _Yes_.”

Zach snorts, and that’s actually almost a relief. At least it’s a reaction. “Have you really thought it through, Chris? Have you thought about the fact that pictures will wind up on the internet? That everyone will know?”

“Know?” Chris frowns. “They…they already…”

But no, they don’t. They don’t know. It’s not like either he or Zach have made some public statement about their relationship. Chris has never officially gone on the record about the fact that he’s bi, and sometimes he forgets that such a thing is necessary. He never went on the record about being straight either, but people sure had no problem assuming that the first time they saw him with a woman. He figured this would be the same, but he guesses he can’t fault Zach for not reading his mind.

“You assumed I wanted to stay in the closet,” Chris says.

Zach looks up, biting his bottom lip. “Don’t you?”

Chris wants to laugh, but he doesn’t. He wants to leap across the table and kiss Zach until neither of them can breathe, but he doesn’t do that either. Instead, he inches his hand across the table and uncurls his fingers again, turning it palm up, an invitation.

“I want you to hold my hand, Zach. That’s what I want.”

Zach stares for a long time—long enough that Chris thinks he’s going to refuse, and they’ll have to go home and have a long conversation in which Chris pulls out all the stops to convince Zach that this is really what he wants: to be with him in every way, no holds barred. But then Zach’s hand is on the tabletop, and then it’s creeping closer, and then their fingers are touching, and Chris almost has to shut his eyes against his own gladness.

“Thank you,” Chris says, his voice rough, as he closes his fingers around Zach’s and squeezes them tight.

Zach keeps staring—at their combined hands now—like he expects something incredible to happen. But after a few moments, he must realize something already has, because his mouth curls into a grin, and then Chris’s does too, and then they’re smiling at each other from across a table that now seems too large. 

Chris doesn’t know if anyone else even notices, but he sure as hell doesn’t care.


End file.
